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Self Sex Gone Wrong

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[14 Aug 2009|10:59pm]

[ mood | amused ]

I hate to break the wonderful 42 post count, but.... Texts from last night. How sad:

(703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

How sad.

Also, recent story. True story. Having a fun time. Came. Landed on my stomach/chest, arm, bed sheet and pillow case. Smooooooooooooth... Possibly a new record tho'. ;D

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[03 Jul 2009|02:34pm]

I figured that this would be appropriate. Texts from last night = win:

(617): Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
(617): we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

How awkward...

Also, I posted the 42nd post. Go team!
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Damn interruptions! [01 Jun 2009|08:52pm]

[ mood | content ]

So last night after not quite getting it on in the shower (no real place to stick my favorite dildo) I decided that since Auntie was watching tv, and I was refreshed after my shower, I might as well Jill it.

So I slap a dab of KY Intense on my clit, burrow under the covers, and go to town... Oh yeah I was SO CLOSE when my aunt walks into the room, searching for her nursing diploma (My own house flooded so I was staying in the room my grandma was in) I sat up on the bed, dildo still snugly nestled in my cooch, hiking my panties up and putting a towel over my hips to hide the bulge.

She spends some time searching for the document while I furtively rub my clit, hand down my panties. Thankfully, just before the arousal totally subsides, she leaves and I was able to finish up, finally.

11 comments|post comment

Unrealized Walk-In [24 Nov 2007|11:43am]

The only thing sadder than being walked in on is being walked in on and the person who walks in not even realizing it. To make this a bit less confusing, here's the story:

One day a few years ago, like many teenagers do, I was masturbating, etc. My step-dad walked in, thankfully I was covered by the blanket, to talk to me and give me money for something or another. Anyway, he walked in on me, not even realizing that my pants were at my ankles under the blanket. How sad. That day, I was both grateful that he didn't find out and amused that he didn't. How sad.... 
5 comments|post comment

Bizarre.... [21 Jan 2007|12:58am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Someone IMs me, based on a now deleted comment I made in this community. They'll ask if I have a picture, I point them to it, and then they log off.

Okay, see that pic? That's me, whoever you are...please stop IMing me since you obviously think I look like I should hide under a bridge and eat children or something. I would NEVER bitch about that sort of thing here but since it's happened THREE times, it's getting old and annoying.

As for something more relavant to this comm, apparently the people downstairs can hear my bed squeaking anytime I try to masturbate which made for quite an embarrassing confrontation.

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[13 Oct 2006|08:19pm]

Hahaha. Sooo bad self sex is when your going at it with a vibrator and your cat comes in...stares at you...and pretty much freaks out like...dude, what the fuck is that?? POUNCE!

I couldnt even cover up in time to avoid embrassment.'

Thats right...embrassment because of a cat.
3 comments|post comment

oh man. [23 Aug 2006|07:37pm]

Self sex gone wrong is hitting the sweet spot on your clit while stimulating your g-spot and having your mom walk right in on you right as you begin to climax.
11 comments|post comment

[30 Jul 2006|05:38pm]

badmasturbation is having They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard stuck in your head while you're trying to jill off. I managed to climax anyway, but only after much giggling.
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[11 Jul 2006|02:26pm]

oh yea...

bad_self_sex is when you get a new toy, still batteries from the remote, but cant get the charge to get you all the way there, plus your really distracted by other things going on.

oh...and this was also just a dream

>_< i cant even get off in my dreams
11 comments|post comment

Narcolepsy? [08 Jul 2006|02:16pm]

Bad masturbation is when you fall asleep almost every time.

Before climax.
3 comments|post comment

promises [04 Jul 2006|01:24pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

bad masturbation is when your boyfriend makes you promise not to use your vibrators anymore so that the sex will be better the next go around and being the good girlfriend I am, I want to keep my promise. =\

and it's sad because I don't get off using fingers and rarely by clit stimulation. 

the horror. i'm about to go insane.

4 comments|post comment

first time. [24 Jun 2006|09:48pm]

New member, first post.

Bad_masturbation is when you're really into your fantasies and on the brink of climaxing, only to discover that your five-year-old brother has accidentally pushed open your bedroom door (lousy doorknobs) and has been watching you for God only knows how long.

T_T *facedesk*

(x-posted in bad_sex)
22 comments|post comment

Not mine, but... [30 May 2006|08:29pm]

I have plenty of embarassing masturbation moments - the time I found my mum's vibe when I was fifteen, her asking me how many times a week, etc (no, I didn't answer), but this story from when I was at boarding school is possibly the worst thing ever to happen to anyone.

The dormitory and the implementCollapse )
12 comments|post comment

[29 May 2006|07:26pm]

bad masturbation is when you go to use your vibrator and it makes your dog bark uncontrollably, no matter what room you are in. and you still live at home to boot.
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[28 May 2006|06:55pm]

bad masturbation is getting really horny while on my period and breaking out the ol' rubber dildo, after pleasuring my self notice that I stained my favorite rubber cock with blood.

damn it!
2 comments|post comment

Frustration [28 May 2006|12:17pm]

Frustration is not being able to use your vibrator because every time you look at it you are reminded of your ex. Why? Because the variety of settings required sufficient numbers of buttons for him to comment on it being like a Game Boy. Not only this but the last time he used it on you he actually just mooshed the buttons as if he was playing Zelda: Link's Awakening or something. A! A! A! B! Thrust! Thrust! Shield!
2 comments|post comment

Welcome! [27 May 2006|08:27pm]

Everyone give pickmybrians a warm welcome to the badmasturbation moderator team! She will be helping me out in maintaining this community from here on out.

I appreciate everyone that applied for the position, and apoligize to those who did not get accepted. I could only pick one person this time, as the community is still fairly new. If the need arises in the future, I may open for applications again, or pick another moderator from our active members.

Again, Welcome to pickmybrians
2 comments|post comment

[24 May 2006|02:57am]

[ mood | blah ]

It can't get worse than...

8 comments|post comment

[24 May 2006|12:17am]

I was hoping to never have to post here....nonetheless.

For your...pleasure?Collapse )
14 comments|post comment

Broken glass [23 May 2006|11:34pm]

Alright, this isn't too bad but I love hearing about bad masturbation stories (I'm so glad this community was created :))... So maybe more posts in general will make everybody post?

I have a sexy European (English) Internet Lover. This is moreso badmasturbation for him.

One night we were "trying something new" in the sense of the act we were Role Playing out... Bumplay, and he's very insecure that he likes bumplay...

I for one only really get off with him enjoying the bumplay, I myself am not a huge fan of it. We were getting into what we were typing pretty well, and he suddenly had to leave. I later find out in mid orgasm he broke a glass all over his keyboard (I'm pretty sure he scratched up knuckles, or something).

Like I said, not too bad, he broke a glass and made a mess in his room, and I didn't get off, but whatever.

The only other "bad" experiences I've had would be almost getting caught. I'm sure my mom knew, but I was under the sheets... I just wouldn't come out of the sheets, because she didn't need to see me bottomless. This has happened more than once, I'm sure she's out to get me.
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